Friday, March 7, 2008

Freeze Frame Obsessions

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and picked up a magazine that caught my eye. As I was flipping through the pages I saw an article I knew I had to read - "Confessions of a Mommy Blogger".
Reading the article, I almost jumped in my chair in the waiting room and said, "This is me!!! I feel just like this!!! I am not crazy! She is saying here what I think everyday!" But- being the shy, quite person that I am (ha ha), I refrained from any outbreak of emotion.

I did begin to think though. Since I have started blogging from my heart, I go through the day journaling in my head every little thing that happens. For years I have felt like a video editor. I make movies in my head and replay the memories that I like and edit or cut away the yucky ones. My husband calls it "sticking my head in the sand". :)
Blogging has brought a new dimension to my "video editing". Instead of a rolling movie in my head, I now have a "freeze frame" picture that I want to capture, not with a camera, but with my words. An experience, an emotion, a action... things that can't necessarily be filmed with a camera, I want to record with my writing.

The obsession part has got to go! Thus the reason for no post yesterday. Oh, I wrote alright, but you didn't see it. Even though I think this blog is a good thing, I must still find a balance in the midst of all of my responsibilities. I don't want to miss the beauty of a moment because I am blogging it in my head!

I believe with all of my heart that God put this desire inside of me to be used for Him, someway, somehow- but all with His balance and His control and His timing. I am being very honest with you about things God is working on in me.
In my contemplation of this whole matter, my heart was once again turned to Psalm 51. Verse 6 says, "Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place."

Oh, my, how that verse spoke to me this morning. I want to share with you my "freeze frame" moments.
You see, I store things in my heart, some good, and some not so good - even bad. I carry on in my life like those secret little closets are for me and me alone. My Lord, my Savior, wants in to every closet and every little corner of my heart, so He can clean it for me.

But I don't want Him to see my dirty closet in my heart!!!!!!! He can't go in there! It's where I put that bitterness from so-n-so!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!

He desires truth in the inner parts- truth with Him means trusting Him with all things in my life. Trusting Him with the key to my closets.

Then, when I allow Him access to every part of my heart, He teaches me wisdom in my inmost place.

Do you see how important it is, even in good things and even in ministry, to allow the Savior in to every aspect? I let Him in a secret closet today, and He found things I didn't even know were there! Things that I couldn't believe were there!
I was reminded of how our family goes through closets and discards things we don't need anymore. Sometimes it is painful to let go of something because of the sentimental value or we just really liked it- but the if the item is no longer serving its purpose, it must go.
Sometimes we find things we had totally forgotten about.
Bare with me just a moment and let me share a story with you:
In 1998 I was carrying our last child- the pregnancy had been difficult with a 5 year old and a 2 year old at home. I had been put on bed rest a couple of times and to be honest, I was just bone tired and quite lethargic. I went somewhere with a few ladies from the church. I think it was a WM retreat or something like that and my sweet, wonderful husband was going to help me out.

I had been talking about making room for the baby's stuff in my daughter's room, since they would be sharing a room. We needed to clean out, throw away and organize. He wanted to surprise me before I came home. So, he busily began the tedious job. There were MANY toys that the kids did not play with anymore and we desperately needed the room. He spent about 5 hours going through both children's closets and tidying up. (Yes, they were that bad!)

I walked in to a spotless organized home. I couldn't believe it! How on earth did he get so much done with two little ones underfoot?? (For one, he wasn't 6 months pregnant! ha!) I went to my 2 year old's closet and toy box and couldn't believe the difference clutter free could make. The collector of special things that I am, I began to ask, "Where's the giant Elmo? Where's the Tickle-me-Elmo we paid way too much money for that year? Where's the moses basket KiKi slept in til she was 1 yr old?"

The painful reality of letting clutter go began to sink in. Things I didn't need anymore were gone- never to be retrieved. I would like to share a "freeze frame" picture that did not happen, because the one that I dug out is not very complimentary.... but reality. I was not a happy mama! I let my unhappiness be known in no uncertain terms. (Remember- I was hormonal!) Things that I wanted to treasure, that we did not have room for we gone. GONE!!!! You may think I am about as loony as they come, but I grieved! I grieved over the Toy Story figurines, the Elmos, the baby dolls, the cars, all the little momentos of my children's baby years. Oh, I knew we couldn't keep everything, but I still grieved. It was hard to let go of things I thought I needed. But my husband in his wisdom, knew we needed the clutter gone and room for new and better things that were coming our way.

I think we are like that in our lives. We know we need things gone, but sometimes it is just too hard to let go. Our little earthly treasures pale in comparison to what God has in store for us!

How about getting along with God and allowing Him access to all of your inner parts - your hidden closets? Let Him search you and organize your heart. He is a loving Savior and will not throw away anything that you need. Give Him access to every corner, every closet, every little piece of your heart and He will prove to you that He is trustworthy and wonderful, holy and merciful.

I pray you have a wonderful day and have fun letting God "spring clean" your heart!

love you all!

Out of My Treasure Chest:
For your physical being:
  • Life Organizers - I just stumbled upon this wealth of information! You need to check this one out!
  • Fly Lady - One of my old favorites! Good philosophy on organizing.

For your spiritual being:

  • A Heart Like His by Beth Moore
  • Psalm 51 Click to read the chapter

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Let me say that I will not call you might call me that after I tell you how long I've hung on to things. It was this past October 2007....I finally had a yard sale and sold some of Brandon's and Tyler's stuff...the 1st time EVER! Brandon is almost 22 and Tyler is 13 years old! Roger would say things from time to time but he was sweet and never pushed the issue. So...he was shocked when I finally said I was selling somethings. I had kept EVERYTHING my kids had ever owned up through pre-school years. I had several huge tubs. The same goes for my heart...a couple of years ago...God did some closet cleaning in my life! There were hurts, offenses, pains and all kinds of ugly things in my heart that went back to my childhood that I really didn't know was still there or that they were causing me any problems. Wow! When I left God clean out those areas of my heart...I haven't felt that free in 40+ years. I still have to allow Him to do that from time to time now but I try to do it daily so things don't build up again. There is such freedom in Jesus! Thank you for all the time you put into your blog...I love everyone of them.