It had just begun to drizzle a little, and it was cold! I ran to the passenger side of the car to get in. Fumbling for my keys, I looked UP and there he stood.
My son, the one I gave birth to, was looking DOWN to me. "What are you doing?" I asked, as the rain came down a little harder.
The light came on inside his head, and the excitement of a few minutes ago returned! "Oh, yes! Oh, yes! I'm legal!," he exclaimed as he bounded to the driver's seat.
How did I get here so quickly? Where has the time gone?
As he is slowly and carefully backing out of the parking space, my mind races back to the day of his birth. It is like a movie playing in my mind. "Look both ways", I remind him, but I am just mechanical now. All I see in my head is the little blue bundle handed to me as I lay on a hospital bed.
The joy of that moment floods my heart all over again. I am reminded of the awe and wonder of holding my newborn baby for the first time- (who is now over 6 feet tall, and such a joy to this momma's heart). I held the handsome little conehead and thought, "Don't forget this! Don't forget this!" There was a massive adrenaline rush of seeing this little person that was a part of me and a part of Rusty! How wonderful!
But that memory opens the flood gate, and here roll some more.
My oldest daughter was 16. The night before, the three of us had a heart-to-heart discussion. My husband and I wanted her to know the depth of love and commitment we shared for her. She had lived in our home almost a year, and we felt she still wondered if we were going to get "tired" of her as people had in the past. We told her we loved her like a daughter and in our hearts, that is what she was.... our daughter, our child- just as if she had been born from my womb. She had been born in our hearts.
She wakes up and is sleepily walking down the hall in her pjs. We greet her, "Good morning, Chickadee!" She replies, "Morning, Mom. Morning, Dad." Did I just hear what I thought I heard? "MOM". I was just called MOM! No one can ever take that moment away from me. It is stored in my heart and my mind forever!
The joy of that moment floods my heart all over again!
The rain is just a drizzle, but I remind my new driver that a slippery road can be very dangerous. He has the steering wheel grabbed ferociously tight and is carefully making his first legal drive a success. I look at him and think, "It won't be long and my KiKi will be driving too!"
The memories start again. This time I think back to my second daughter's birth. We had done this before, now, and I wanted my mom with me. "It's a Girl!" Laughter. Tears. And awestruck wonder as the most beautiful baby is handed to me. I look at my husband. I look at my mom. Tears are streaming. I think, "How awesome is God?! The woman who isn't supposed to have children, now has given birth twice and is the proud mother of three!!!" I held her and just stared at her- a moment I would never forget! She was beautiful, perfect, and my precious baby girl!
The joy of that moment floods my heart, and now I'm just about to start the waterworks!
Of course, I can't go down memory lane of the first three without thinking, "Well, at least it will be a while before my baby is behind the wheel!"
My baby, my miracle baby. Hmmmmm. A whole downpour of memories start on this one.
Then, the memory I was looking for- She was almost a month old. I hadn't been able to hold her. Oh, I had stared at her for hours, and gently, ever so gently, caressed her, but I, her mother, had never held her. There was almost a giddiness about me that day. "I was going to get to hold my baby!" But, this was different than the other two times. She was so tiny - 3 lbs. And this time there were wires and tubes and ....... I was SCARED!!!! Then they placed her on my chest, and suddenly, everything was as it should be. The emotions of the three previous weeks began welling up inside of me, and as I handed her to her anxious father, the pent up joyous weeping began.
The joy of that moment floods my heart!
As a dismal sun tries to surface through the gray clouds, my chauffeur still has a death grip on the wheel. Again I look at him in amazement and wonder and thank my Savior for the blessing of four wonderful children.
Those are some of my memories I will treasure forever.
Tonight, I'm sitting here - again with tears in my eyeballs- thinking, If I adore my kids and grandkids this much, and I am just a stinking, sinful creation, then how much more does my Heavenly Father, who is a perfect father, love me (us), dote on me (us), and REMEMBER me(us)?
Psalm 139 tells of how we cannot escape our Creator. He knows our every move, our every thought. His thoughts towards us are too numerous to count! I challenge you to find that chapter on http://www.studylight.org/ and contemplate the vastness of His love for you!
Friend, I don't care where you have been, what you have done, or the things you have said. God loves YOU! Oh, He definitely hates our sin, but His love for us is indescribable and infinite. He longs to have a passionate relationship with you. He longs to embrace you and dote on you as this mom does her kids. He is a wonderful God. So, please don't let the enemy lie to you and tell you a bunch of junk about "You've come too far" - or- "God could never forgive you." You are God's creation- and you are special to Him.
So, even though I have this cry way down deep in my heart tonight, it is a cry of joy and happiness. My God loves me. I love my kids so much, sometimes I feel like I am gonna bust. If I - being human- love them that much - how much more does my Father in heaven love little ol' me- and you?!!!
Hmmmmmm....... I am going to sleep a sleep of deep peace tonight. I pray you do also! If you have happened upon this blog by chance, and want to know more about my Jesus, I have some links on the side, that can walk you through every step. (http://www.findjesus.ag.org/ and/or http://www.followchrist.org/)
Kiss your babies and let the Savior kiss your heart with His love!
I love you all!