The Choice

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THE CHOICE

She sat straight up in bed!

There it was again!

With her heart pounding and perspiration pouring, she laid back on her pillow and let the tears flow. How long had it been since she had a full night's sleep without that sound screaming in her head?

Why did she have to go through with it? Why did she listen to him? Why didn't she just trust her heart?

If her family knew the truth, what would her life be like now?

She switched her pillow to the other side, because now it was soaked. Surely, anything would be better than this!

As usual, she fell asleep just a few minutes before the alarm rang.

Another day.

Another sleepless night.

Another nightmare.

Another day of regrets.

It was a vicious cycle that she couldn't find her way out.

On her way to work, she stopped by Starbucks and got her favorite mocha. Maybe the caffeine will keep me coherent today, she thought.

Chrissy, the new receptionist was a little too chipper this morning. Jan just looked at her when Chrissy announced, "Guess What!!!! You'll never guess! I'm so excited!!!"

"What is it Chrissy?", Jan asked as she placed her mocha carefully away from the "happy" girls expressive hands.

"It turned PINK!! The little line on the pregnancy test turned pink!!! I'm pregnant!!!!

In a sudden surge of emotion, regret, and grief, Jan felt as if she would vomit right then and there. Instead, her hands spilled the cappuccino all over the next client's file.

At least the commotion was a distraction from her awkward reaction.

Why did she always do this? This is a happy time for Chrissy. Why should her stupid decision from the past keep her from rejoicing with her friend?

Jan mustered the strength to congratulate her co-worker and plastered a smile on her face at the same time.

In the break room, she sat with her black coffee staring out the window.

She saw two teenagers arm in arm walking down the street.

How long ago was that her? Six years.

Six years since she was happy and carefree.

Now the "choice" of her past haunted her every thought, move, and dream.

Jimmy had long left her dreams. As soon as her "deed" was done, he dumped her like a lead balloon. Their last conversation included the words "slut" and "whore". Confused and heart broken, Jan left town to try and forget her past.

But it seemed the past wouldn't let go.

The break room door opened and Chrissy bounced in. Upon seeing Jan, her smile faded.

"You OK?", Chrissy asked.

"Sure, girlfriend! What's up?"

Chrissy sat opposite Jan and looked her straight in the eyes. "I want to tell you a story. It may not mean anything at all to you, but I think you need to hear this."

The next few minutes Jan sat and listened to Chrissy pour out her heart. They shared a box of tissue as Chrissy shared her story of "choice" and heartache. Jan could not believe her ears! Happy, chipper Chrissy! How come she didn't look like she had the nightmares like Jan?!

Chrissy's story took a turn now.

"I don't know how many tears I cried, how many sleepless nights or how many nightmares I had. I didn't think I could ever face my family or friends, until I met Him."

"Him? Who? Your husband?", Jan asked.

"No. He is Jesus! He gave me a peace because He forgave me for my choice - and everything else I ever did wrong. I had to realize that the abortion was not my only choice of wrong doing. I had committed many sins, and will continue to, but Jesus loved me enough to take my sins away by dieing on the cross for my sins. I just had to accept His forgiveness and allow His peace to flood my heart and soul."

The black coffee was now cold, but Jan's heart began to feel a warmth she had never felt.

Peace.

It was like a foreign word, yet something she craved with all her heart.

Jesus.

It sounded so simple, so warm. Her heart filled with hope as Chrissy told her more of Christ's love and forgiveness.

Maybe, just maybe, happiness wasn't impossible after all.

If Chrissy experienced His forgiveness, maybe she could too!

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